


Tired

by Wolfcry22



Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [10]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Poe Dameron Has PTSD, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:14:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23692957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfcry22/pseuds/Wolfcry22
Summary: Poe is tired of waking up from the nightmares so he decides not to go to sleep at all.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605424
Comments: 6
Kudos: 104





	1. Jolted

**Author's Note:**

> It’s been a minute since I’ve updated this verse. There’s been a lot going on as I know everyone is aware. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to update this more regularly now that things are calming down a little. Hopefully this can take some minds off of the fear of what is happening and focus it into something a little more enjoyable.

Poe awoke with a start as a panicked scream tore from him. His eyes were wild in alarm as he fought in the darkness as the sheets seemed to tangle around his limbs, no matter how he tried to fight them. He could just see himself being held down by the First Order as Kylo Ren towered over him, about to tear out the information that he held so dear. 

He felt something seem to climb behind him and then pull on the cord connected to his lamp. The room was bathed in an orange glow as Poe was able to see Finn towering of him with alarm shinning in his eyes. “Hey, hey, hey.” He had Poe’s shoulders in his hands as he slightly shook him. “It’s okay. It’s alright. You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re with me, in our room. It’s just us.”

Poe let out a half strangled cry that turned into a painful gulp when he tried to speak. “Ren,” he sputtered as his jaw seemed to tense when he tried to say anything else.

“Ren isn’t here,” Finn reassured quickly. He then lifted the bottom of his shirt and slightly rubbed it against Poe’s cheek where a line of spit had fallen from his gritted teeth. “It’s just us. Only us.”

Poe opened his mouth as he tried to sit up. Finn was there to slightly pull on his arm and help Poe rest against him. “That’s right. That’s right. You’re safe. You’re with me.”

Finn thought back to the session that he had had with Dr. Firn. Poe didn’t know that Finn had started to see him without Poe, just to know how he could help the traumatized pilot. Dr. Firn had suggested using a common phrase or string of phrases that would help pull Poe from his frightened state. They had spent numerous sessions going over common words that would break through Poe’s flashbacks and bring him back to Finn and the environment that he was in. Finn had been reluctant to try it for fear that Poe would guess that he had been meeting with Dr. Firn, but luckily that hadn’t happened as of yet. 

“Finn,” Poe echoed, straining to speak once again.

Finn lifted up a gentle hand and gingerly rubbed the tears aside. “You’re safe. You’re with me. It’s just us. You’re alright. You’re okay.”

“Sorry I woke you,” Poe managed after a moment. He was still trembling against Finn as if still trying to soothe himself to the best of his ability. “I-I didn’t m-mean to.”

“No, of course you didn’t.” Finn brought Poe close to him and kissed his forehead gently. “You didn’t. It’s alright.” He started to rock Poe back and forth as Poe clutched at his shirt and whimpered as sobs overtook him. “Shhhhh, shhhhh, shhhh. You’re alright. I’m here. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here. I’m right here.”

Finn rested his chin on top of Poe’s head as Poe buried his head against his chest. All Finn could do was try to soothe Poe as he silently let his own tears roll down his cheeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Poe sat up straight on his bed with his legs outstretched in front of him. He held his PADD tightly in his fingers as he swiped through articles that spoke about planets being able to take their lives back after being under First Order persecution. While it was supposed to be warm-hearted and good news, Poe couldn’t find any energy to be proud of it. All he felt was exhausted and his eyes were constantly trying to close. He had felt the feeling all day and he was tired of fighting it.

“Poe, are you listening to me?”

Poe turned his head upward and blushed when he realized that Finn had been speaking to him. The former Stormtrooper had stuck out his head from the fresher while he brushed his teeth. Finn grunted as he turned back into the fresher and spat into the sink. The sound of running water reached Poe’s ears as he turned back to his reading. He had read the same paragraph four times and it still wasn’t sinking into his memory.

Finn headed out of the fresher and came over to sit across from Poe on their bed, his legs folded up under him. “What’s so interesting that’s more important than me?”

“Nothing! This just helps me not think of other things,” he confessed as he tried to read through it once more.

Finn nodded slowly. Poe had seemed a little distant the whole day and he wasn’t sure that encouraging him to dissociate was the best plan either. “Really? Well, how about we talk about something else interesting? Something that isn’t on this thing.” He stretched out his hand and grasped the PADD before setting it on the nightstand. They used to have a rule never to bring their PADDs to bed, but that rule had gone out the window when Poe’s flashbacks had first started.

Poe seemed edgy, distant, and uncomfortable as he looked anywhere around the room that wasn’t directly at Finn’s face. Finn more than picked up on that, but he wasn’t about to say anything at the moment. “Nothing? You have no witty comment or funny story? You’re never short on words.”

“Sorry, Finn, I’m just not feeling it today, I guess,” Poe mumbled.

Finn nodded in understanding. He lifted his hand and brushed hair from Poe’s face so that it wasn’t in his eyes. “You seem tired. Is it time for bed?”

Just the memory of what had happened the night before was enough to put Poe off of sleep for years. He couldn’t let Finn know of that, though. Finn worried enough as it is. “I don’t know.”

“Why don’t we at least try to go to sleep,” suggested Finn. “I’ll be right beside you. I’m not going anywhere. Would that make it better?”

Poe wasn’t sure if better was the world, but it was certainly something that he could live with. He smiled as he nodded. “Okay.”

Finn scurried to the top of the bed beside Poe and wrapped his arms around him. Poe laughed as Finn’s breath tickled the side of his neck as he held Poe close. Finn was as exhausted as Poe was, if not more. Poe had woken him up every night for the past three weeks.

However, tonight was going to be different.

Tonight, Poe wasn’t going to sleep.


	2. Exhausted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe puts his plan into action. He’s not going to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for their kind comments! I have been doing better and have had some more free time to write. I have a few more stories in this verse that I’ve been working on. I hope to post at least another one later this week. It seems that I will still be stuck inside of the next couple weeks. The positive is that it gives me plenty of time to write and come up with new ideas. I hope you all enjoy this next part!

Poe looked at the wall in the darkness where BB-8 was plugged in for a charge. It was the only thing that he could see in the darkness. He felt hot and uncomfortable with Finn’s arms still wrapped around him. He wanted to wriggle free from his grasp since all he could feel was Finn’s hot breath on his neck and Finn’s sweaty skin against his. Ordinarily that would be a good thing. However, thanks to Poe’s heightened senses from lack of sleep, it was almost unbearable.

Poe had been doing his best not to fall asleep. It wasn’t helping that he was tired and every time he blinked he felt himself come closer to loosing himself to sleep. He grunted in frustration as he realized that if he wanted to stay awake, then he needed to try something out. 

He managed to shift and slide out from under Finn’s heavy limbs. Finn grunted, but he rolled over and resumed snoring. Poe sat up and felt sweat seep into his clothing and make it stick to his body. He felt gross and uncomfortable, which wasn’t a great combination.

Poe swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up slowly so that Finn wouldn’t feel the bed move. He made his way to the closet and picked out a new shirt and shorts to wear. He made his way to the fresher and closed the door before turning on the light. He pulled his sticking shirt from his body as well as his long pants that he had been wearing. He set them aside next to the pile of dirty clothes that was beginning to pile up between him and Finn.

Once he was left only in his boxers, he walked over to the sink. He turned the faucet on as cold as he could make it. He stuck his cupped hands under the sink to collect the water. He then splashed it in his face to try and wake him up. However, it only resulted in causing a shiver to pulse through him. He leaned forward and gripped the sides of the sink with his eyes squeezed shut.

It did nothing to wake him up. All it did was make him feel drowsy and slightly sick to his stomach. He was just about to stumble to bed when he heard soft footsteps beside him. He turned in alarm to see Finn standing at the entrance of the fresher. His face was drawn in exhaustion and he looked surprised to see Poe awake.

“Poe, is everything alright,” Finn fretted as he lifted the back of his hand to his mouth as he let out a tired yawn.

Poe spun around with water still dripping down his face. “Of course! I was just um well, I was-“

“Poe,” interrupted Finn. He seemed a little more awake after blinking his eyes a few times.

Poe turned back to the sink with his head hung. He let out a fierce breath of anger. “I wasn’t supposed to wake you up, damnit!”

Finn padded forward and stood beside Poe. Their shoulders brushed as Finn tried to look on Poe’s level. “What are you talking about? Did you have a nightmare?”

“You can’t have nightmares if you don’t sleep,” Poe told him fiercely, his eyes blazing in the artificial light that streamed from the fresher.

A horrified rush seemed to pulse through Finn. “Poe, have you been up this whole night? It’s almost dawn. What were you thinking?”

Poe shrugged. “Does it matter?”

Finn grasped Poe’s shoulders and spun him to face him. “Look at me,” Finn instructed. He waited patiently until Poe tipped his tired head back. “It matters to me. Why did you stay up?”

“I’m tired of waking you up, Finn. You haven’t had a full night’s sleep in weeks. I go to sleep and I have nightmares. I can’t keep doing that for you. I thought that if I just stayed up through the night it would be better for all of us,” Poe confessed.

Finn had to struggle to keep from laughing. While this plan seemed ridiculous to Finn, Poe was sleep deprived enough to think it was bulletproof. Shattering his sense of purpose wasn’t going to make it better. “You don’t need to worry about me. I can handle it. I’m a little tired, so what? There is always time for us to take naps during the day. Just extra time that I can spend with you.”

Poe shook his head. “You don’t deserve this.”

“You say that all the time. How do you know that this isn’t the life that I chose, huh? You are what I choose. Everything that comes with it I will gladly do. I love you, Poe. If I have to wake up with you every night, then that’s what I’ll do. Please don’t forget that.” Finn reached for Poe and brought him close in a tight hug.

Poe rested his head on Finn’s chest as Finn buried his head against Poe’s neck. He could smell his sweet shampoo from the shower that Poe took that night. He could feel Poe’s strong heartbeat. Then, he heard Poe’s breathing almost even out as if he was suddenly asleep on his feet.

Finn chuckled as he looked down before wrapping an arm around Poe’s waist. “Okay, you’re asleep on your feet. Let’s get you back to bed.”

“But, the nightmares will-“

“I don’t care if the nightmares come back. At least you’ll be getting the sleep that you need until that point. I’ll be right beside you if the nightmares happen. You don’t need to worry about me. Let me worry about you,” chided Finn as he half led, half carried Poe back to their bed. 

He helped Poe settle in on his side before climbing over to his own side. Finn was about to turn off the light when Poe’s eyes flew open. “Can we leave it on,” he requested in a small, trembling voice.

Finn couldn’t help but smile. “Sure, Poe, of course.” He drew back and flopped down onto the bed as he brought up the covers up to his chin.

Poe laid limp with his eyes seeming to be locked on the ceiling. A flicker of fear rose inside of Finn. He wondered if Poe was going to try to stay up despite promising that he wouldn’t.

“Poe,” Finn pressed.

Poe lolled his head over to look at his boyfriend. “Hold me?”

Finn smiled and didn’t hesitate to shift even closer to Poe. He wrapped his arms around him and held him close so that their bodies were pressed against one another. Finn lifted one hand and started to run his fingers through Poe’s curly hair. “Comfortable?”

“You promise that you won’t be upset if I wake you up,” Poe whimpered.

“I promise that I won’t be. You can hold me to that.” Although Finn was beyond exhausted, he wasn’t going to fall asleep until he knew that Poe was taken care of.

Poe gave the tiniest of nods. “Thank you, Finn.”

“You don’t have to thank me. This is what you do for someone that you love. This is what I will always do for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a little different than my usual heavy angst. There will certainly be more angsts stories to come. I can’t seem to get away from it. If any of you have any ideas for another story in this verse let me know. I am always open to new ideas!


End file.
